howtohownotto.com

FAQs

What gives you the right to tell people how to live their lives?

That's a very good question, we're glad it is so Frequently Asked. There just seem to be too many members of the public looking for advice in all the wrong places. Say, for example at www.goatworld.com and www.hosanna1.com and www.barbrastreisand.com. Just thought we might as well throw our hat into the ring.

I suspect I am not showering/dancing/going on picnics properly. Can you tell me how to/how not to?

We welcome how to/how not to requests and we're always happy to dish out advice when we can. Send your queries to This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it and we will tell you how it's done/not done if we're experts on the subject (which we most likely will be).

Could you love me?

Yes. If you nuzzled us we would be glad to execute a tender counter-nuzzle.

Don't you think some of your advice is a little subjective?

Oh, get fucked.

I recently implanted my horse with a microchip. Do I now need to put Horsey on a licensed registry?

We thought you'd never ask! Actually we got so sick of waiting that we outsourced.

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