| How to Use Your Newborn Baby To Prove That You Are Amazingly Interesting And Unconventional |
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Call your kid 'Remnant'. It's dazzlingly original, works nicely for either a boy or a girl and addresses many trends in modern baby-naming: 1) It sounds like a surname. This is vital in fashionable baby-naming circles (See Knox, Maddox etc from the Jolie-Pitt brood.) 2) …And yet it isn’t a surname. It is just a very evocative common noun, which means ‘fragment, scrap or residuum’. It is both earthy and original and will make your friends realise how distinctive and unique and special and cool you and your newborn child are. 3) Aspirational names such as Constance, Chastity, Grace, Honour and Remnant are all the rage and encourage good citizenship. By giving little Remnant an aspirational name you will make him/her a role model amongst peers and you're setting him/her high behavioural standards to work towards. 4) It evokes the name of ‘Rembrandt’.This works well as it’s already clear that Remnant will be a uniquely gifted and creative child. 5) The name Remnant has a magical effect upon sentences:‘I left little Remnant by the potty, but he must have wandered off…’, ‘I just can not seem to get this three-year-old Remnant off my tit!’ etc. Place names for children show how well-traveled and sophisticated you are. See the Beckhams (Brooklyn) and Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson (Bronx) for text book examples of parental classiness. All second-borns should be named after places. You should definitely consider calling your second-born 'The Greek Islands'. Do not stop being amazingly original after your first two. Some good breeders start off nicely with a Remnant and a Connecticut only to trail off pathetically with a John and a Sally. If ever you feel like caving in and naming your newborn something conventional, picture yourself in the child psychiatrist's waiting room and imagine how very interesting you will come off when introducing yourself to other parents: "This is my eldest, Remnant and his younger brother, The Greek Islands. Today Grandma is looking after their little sisters, Render, Errand and Emporium..."
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Comments (8)
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written by Pooksie, 26 May, 2009
I'm actually more keen on 'Residuum' for my first-born and, of course, 'The Middle East' for my second.
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written by Bobo, 27 May, 2009
my faves are the combination name. Sometimes there are just two names you love but cannot possibly decide - and why should you! e.g. Belinda and Janet could be Belanet or Janinda.
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written by Bob without an 'O', 29 May, 2009
Yeah my friends called their boy Lucifer only because there has only been 6 Lucifers since the 60's... but.... everyone calls him Bob... hang on thats my name! WTF!!! The only time i've heard his mum call him Lucifer was in front of the cops at the airport when we were all wasted and i remember thinking "Yeah cool... let's draw more attention to ourselves... Awesome..."
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written by Sallie, 22 June, 2009
I totally agree - as you can see I have been forced to change the spelling of my name to make it marginally more interesting, but it still sucks because even though my parents ARE genuinely interesting people everyone assumes they aren't just because they named me Sally and my brother Richard.
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written by Bonk, 22 June, 2009
I think I owe it to potential parents (or rather, my parents do) to warn them that when they choose an interesting name they should make sure its something that probably won't drastically change in meaning from one generation to the next. Like, Clunk has a cutely onamatopic quality to it now - but who's to say in 20 years time that 'Clunker' won't be used like Wanker, Shithead or Dumbass?
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