It's a shame hamsters aren't allowed in Australia, because we're confident most hamsters would go wild for the nation's variety of landforms ranging from extensive plains and plateaux behind narrow coastal uplands in the east to great expanses of sandy and stony desert and low tablelands in the arid centre and the west.

Luckily, it's pretty straightforward to manifest a live hamster from right here in Australia. It's a simple matter of focussing on the inevitabilty of you and your dreamhamster leading a fulfilling, profitable and successful life right here in this country.

You can also place a cosmic order for a hamster right here although it is hard to put a time frame on when you'll actually get it. (It all depends on whether or not the cosmos is blocked up with large units - for example, someone might have ordered an HIV vaccination or a pianola, and that's going to cause some delays in the delivery of your  hamster.)

And if positive thinking and cosmic ordering don't get you your hamster, you could try slapping your arse with a lamb chop while shouting the lyrics to Spiderbait's 'Fucken Awesome ' at the stroke of midnight and there's a fairly good chance you'll just turn into one - which is almost as good, really.

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