Danish hamster Bonita Lauritzen hit the Copenhagen Post headlines in October after hiding under a coconut shell to survive a devastating housefire which almost claimed the life of her owner, Gitte.

Bonita, can you talk us through the day of the fire and your extraordinary survival?

The day began like any other. I kicked it off with some cardio on my wheel for about half an hour, then I laid 80-90 turds around my cage. I was nibbling absent-mindedly at my bedding when Gitte got up and took me into the kitchen. I watched her as she went about her business (cleaning her toaster with petrol, frying an egg over a pile of burning magazines) - then she went back to bed and I strolled into the bathroom.

Fifteen minutes later, I started to smell smoke. Five minutes later, the whole flat was on fire and it was getting really hard to breathe. Luckily Gitte kept a coconut shell in the bathroom cupboard so she could bathe her face in coconut-infused water while blowdrying her hair, so I just scampered into the cupboard and hid under it until after the fire was over.

Can you describe what was going through your head as you sheltered in the coconut shell amidst a blazing inferno?

I was basically just thinking, 'Sweet shitballs of providence! Who the fuck else in Copenhagen has a coconut shell in their bathroom?'

What was it like seeing your story in the Copenhagen Post?

Gitte uses the Copenhagen Post to line my cage, so actually, I never saw the story until I shat on it  a couple of days after the event. I was flattered to be described as 'clever' and 'resourceful', though.

British hamster Splodge Middleton captured a nation’s hearts in October this year. In a heart-wrenching dispatch, entitled ‘Paperboy’s hamster hell after redundancy notice', Metro.co.uk  told of Splodge's plight after his owner, 13-year-old Kane Middleton was heartlessly sacked from his paper round via a formal redundancy letter in the mail. Kane told reporters the loss of income meant he would not longer be able to afford treats for his beloved pet hamster.

Splodge, tell us about the day when Kane received the redundancy letter?

The day began like most others. I woke up early and laid 80-90 turds around my cage before tucking into some roast venison with redcurrant glaze.  Then Kane burst into the room and flung himself on the bed, wailing and kicking and sobbing. He started shouting something about losing his paper round but I just ignored him and carried on eating my breakfast, because Kane is a vulgar little prick and his problems do not interest me. Later a journalist from the Metro  came over and interviewed Kane about his redundancy while I shat in her handbag. 

 Do you see yourself as a victim of the credit crunch?

Not really. If Kane hadn't been such a shithouse paperboy, he never would have lost his job. 

Has your life changed much since Kane became redundant?

Well I haven't eaten venison since. The good news is that Kane and his mum are trying to get me on Celebrity Pet Swap. Hopefully I can switch with one of Katie Price’s horses .

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